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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Reflection

The Rock won’t move. I have no idea what I am doing this month. I have been sick so long, I cannot remember what I am supposed to do when I am not sick. I am still a little sick. It might not hurt me to rest just a bit this week. I will say I want to hit the ground running instead. Recovery. There sure is a lot of that going on.

I think it is so cool how productive February has been. I have cried, coughed and slept. On the other side of the dark tunnel there is light. A lot of it. The coolest part is fear is not driving my life. I am not running from falling into who I used to be. I am rejoicing in the relationships I have. I am rejoicing I get to spend time with my Maker several times a day. No longer do I spend time with Him because I know I will not make it through my day without Him. Well, maybe a little, but it is driven by love.

I am going to have to really watch my tongue with this new found freedom. It shall get me in trouble else.

Today we had a short version of CR for various reasons, so I had about an hour before I had anything else to do this evening. I sat on the gym floor awhile and talked to God. Then I began to pace the gym floor and talk to God. It was odd how much it looked like a gym with no one else there and no church stuff around.

I thought of all the things that had happened to me in that space, all the growth. I thought how most of the growth that had occurred in the last two years had not taken place there or in any other meeting. Like personal training, it took place in the other 166 hours in the week. Sure, there were acts of obedience I made in that space. There were things I learned in that space, but they were applied elsewhere. The grueling recovery was done elsewhere.

I prayed about what would happen in that space over the next few years. I realized in two years I would be there on Christmas Day for CR. The message this morning in church was about commitment. I have become a person of commitment. I used to hate commitment. I was as committed as the car keys in my pocket. Now I know little about my future except where I will be on Sunday afternoons.

I wondered about the stories the walls of the gym could tell if only they could talk. The people who found Christ there. The people who changed from week to week to week. I got so soppy I stood in the place I had stood on my first visit and on some of the other big occasions there. It was so hard to fathom it was just a gym. It was impossible to imagine who I was back then.

There were a couple other big steps I made today. Weird things that happened to me. But this is not the forum for them to be told. Just know I am free.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1

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