I do not even know who this new person I am is. That is a true statement. It sure is going to be fun to find out. What happened to all my walls? Yeah, I am sure they are still there. For a little while they have lain in crumbles at my feet. Someday I might just have a small attack of fear and resurrect them momentarily. I know human nature. Sure I will keep growing, but there will be days when I slip back into defense mechanisms.
The most exciting part of the next few months is going to be living in this new me. 1.) I have no idea what to expect. 2.) 99% of the people around me do not know they should be expecting anything. 3.) I have a novel to finish.
Where did this new me come from? I am not entirely sure. I guess it is the result of a really hard January and February. When I die, then I get the opportunity to rise again. As I came home tonight, I thought, “Isn’t that all spiritual growth is? Sacrifice.” That has been the story of the last three and a half years since I hit rock bottom. Sacrifice. Sacrifice. Sacrifice. But now I know in my heart what I once knew in my head. I am loved. I have a Dad. I have a family. I am an integral part of His kingdom. I am not worthy, but He calls me His daughter. I am His servant.
I literally do not know what tomorrow will bring, but I know I am looking forward to it. Sure is nice to live in love instead of fear. A week long love affair with God. Sure is nice.
But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” – Isaiah 43:1-3