Sometimes the simplest truths are the most incredibly painful to live out. I am slightly scared of writing this article. It seems to me there is great potential for a wide variety of people to take it out of context. So if you shall bravely read it, then try your best to not be scared and accuse but instead give me the benefit of the doubt. I don’t pretend to know everything. The more I live, the less I think I know. I am simply on a journey of discovering Truth. I seek only to know Him more each day and experience the joy of experiencing His Truth interacting in every aspect of my life.
Recently I have gone through a period of time during which I was waiting for reconciliation in a relationship in my life. I have learned that waiting for reconciliation is an extremely painful endeavor. As I waited, I pondered the options available to me. I could wait with an open wound until the other person was ready to reconcile, or I could maintain control of my pain and cut the other person off.
The benefit of cutting the other person off would be that I would be able to move on with my life. The wound could finally heal. I would no longer be living with an open wound that continually had to be cleaned so it would not become infected. It is true that if I cut the other person off, the immediate pain would become intensely sharper for a time. Then when I did heal, there would be a scar. Perhaps one that would barely affect my life like the ones I showed the children I babysat the other day. Or a deeper scar, one that would always cause pain. Maybe even one that would cause me to limp. But if I chose a scar, the other person would no longer influence the healing. I could regain control.
Or I could wait. I could wait with an open wound for the other person to reconcile.
My dilemma and the pain had me pondering Jesus’ teachings about marriage. They are hard to swallow. I considered that should I ever marry and my husband leave me, Jesus would want me to wait for him to become willing to reconcile until one of the two of us died or he committed adultery. I imagined how incredibly painful it must be to live with such an open wound. It is true that spiritual maturity would help me carry the wound better over time; but if I chose to wait for reconciliation instead of permanently terminate the relationship, it would remain a wound not a scar.
Perhaps I would find myself quickly hoping that my straying husband would commit adultery, so that I could terminate the relationship with him while still following Jesus. Or maybe my love would look more like Jesus’, and I would willingly wait, love and pray for him “in the meantime”. Maybe I would be willing to carry the pain of the open wound while waiting for reconciliation.
As I considered this, I considered that Jesus Himself said that His teachings on marriage were hard to swallow and not everyone would be able to accept them. I wondered if I was someone who could actually accept them or if I too would be unable to live with such incredible pain. I hope I never know because to truly know I would need to marry and then have my husband leave me. I don’t want to find out if I can truly swallow Jesus’ teachings on marriage.
It’s the open wound that unnerves me. How truly painful it is.
Do you patiently wait for reconciliation in committed relationships or do you have a tendency to want to cut the other person off? Does your patience while waiting for others to repent reflect God’s patience while waiting for you to repent?