Today was super rough until about 3 o’clock. In fact it was so rough I found myself thinking on the way to set up for CR that if I was not a leader, this would be a day I would push the “unfollow” button. Not to unfollow CR, but to decide God cannot exist on account of how screwed up His people are. I don’t want to be too hard on myself, but I am going to be restarting my count on how many days it has been since I wanted to hurt myself. Did I pick myself up quicker this time than last time? Well, I turned back to Jesus as my Hope quicker; so I guess that counts.
I had an extremely hard time wanting to connect, and I am not sure what the initial trigger was. I am really glad I am going to a very competent psychologist who can help me. I am trying to remember that as a way of encouraging myself. As one of my friends said recently, “Life always gets better in recovery.” And it does, I am positive of it.
Then my whole day turned around through talking with a friend, and CR small group. I love it when joy just wells up within me. Somehow I went into small group smarting from a major hurt in my life and walked away having forgiven. I never even talked about the hurt in group. Weird.
But tonight I am going to bed thankful and feeling like there is a long, hard week behind me. I am slightly expectant about the upcoming week. What good things will it bring?
“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” – John 6:67-69