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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Powerless

Last night I was on a high as I wrote though I alluded to struggling during the day. Tonight I am on my low as I write. I would like to quit. Not everything. Just some people and things. I am too cynical and emotionally spent to even want to write here tonight. I do not want to see what I have to say, and I do not want to hurt anyone either. But God can I wash my hands of this whole thing and be done with it?

I am tired of the battle with my powerlessness. Today I just plain got crabby. My time with God has sucked in the last  few days, and it has shown in my attitude. I have nothing, God. And I am tired of giving what I do not have. Now I am going to quit saying things I only my flesh means, and I am going to go to bed. Hopefully, this will turn around. I am tired. So terribly, terribly tired.

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.” – Mark 8:34-38

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