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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Plenty

I feel so incredibly rich right now. A group of amazing women just left my apartment. Suddenly that my staple food item is rice, a lot of rice, suddenly seems like plenty. Suddenly my cupboards with their less than huge variety of food choices seems like an abundance because this woman cannot live by bread alone. I have an abundance of food and nearly, no absolutely, everything else. I have never gone hungry. I have way more than I need today. I am blessed, and I also am truly happy.

Today was a very hard day. I was emotionally and spiritually exhausted. It is a good thing I have decided to take Tuesdays and Thursdays off from writing because I write better with rest. I could not have written today if I tried. I babysat, went to school, and worked on some things for CR. Then step study tonight. But mostly, I rested.

I realized today that as I am beginning to learn to be myself and talk and laugh and engage people, I am also learning to take pleasure in watching children do this. (I even joked around in class today.) Back to the children. It used to be so hard for me to watch children being entirely free to express themselves. I have often thought that God needed to weed this out of me before I have children (if I have children). I do not want to do to them what happened to me. I want them to be free to be themselves (in a well-disciplined way, of course!).

I still hear the voices. I hear them when I come away from class. I hear them when I leave babysitting. I hear them when people go away, but at least I am engaging the conversation now. Before I was repressing it by just not being or expressing myself. I never heard the voices because I was never doing what the voices told me not to do. It is nice to be able to watch the children now without feeling on edge as if I ought to stop them. Now to work toward the goal of not feeling like I have to stop myself!

I think it is really going to help to remember the joy of the Lord is my strength. I was exhausted enough today that I did wonder what I was thinking when I told God all those years ago that I wanted to live on the edge where all the action was happening! After the last two hours, yup, I want to live out on the edge where all the action is happening and God is radically changing lives.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen. – Ephesians 3:20-21

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