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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Overwhelm me

I had all kinds of intelligent things to tell you about my day, but I am way too tired to do so now coherently. It was a good day with overwhelming information, a bit of discouragement and a lot of encouragement.

One of my first waking thoughts this morning was that I no longer look to my left then look to my right to try to ensure I am doing good enough and so compete with those around me for the best performance. Now I look to my left then look to my right to see if I am loved and accepted – to see if His family loves and accepts me.

I was a CR One-Day conference today, and the one national leader made note of no longer caring if people liked her (being past that part of codependency). I am not past that part of codependency. I care less than I used to about whether people like me, but I am not past it yet.

I have consistently noticed recently that I am getting consistently worse and worse with my interrupting people habit. I wondered what I could do to fix that. 1. I could obey and shut up. 2. I could schedule myself a few days to just process life and relax and let my brain and emotions catch up with the transitions in my life. 3. I could find places to interact with people where I feel heard. I realize I have been not being heard in key conversation recently and I know that can bring out the worst in this habit in me.

My final thought: I realized today that I do not need to be stronger. I just need to get closer to Him and be weaker.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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