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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Ouch! damn it: count it pure joy

Every week I have a title for this article. Usually I know one or two weeks in advance. It is something God is talking to me about in my life, and some catchy phrase about it comes to mind. I file it away in my brain for later and know that that is what I am going to write about next week or the one following. Sometimes I think about it. Often I don’t. I know what I am going to write about next week already, only I actually currently have no memory of it whatsoever. Oh, wait, it temporarily drifted back into my consciousness. I will let it go again for a while, and we will assume the same thought will come back next week.

For the last couple weeks it has been on my heart to speak to you about something. It has come to my attention that my conversation with God can bring sorrow to some people. They read about the way I can rage against Him and fight His call on my life. They worry about how I came narrowly close to walking away from Him a few months ago. It hurts them to think I would do such a thing. It hurts them to know that something is currently causing such pain in my life that I am reacting to it with such violence and rebellion. It makes their heart weep that I am experiencing this pain and that I would consider forsaking my purest Lover.

If you are one of these people, I wonder if you could do me a favor?

Could you consider it pure joy? When you read my blog or interact with me in life and I am fighting it out with God on the deepest level, could you rejoice that I am having the opportunity to go deeper with Him? Could you let your heart leap with joy within you that God is presenting me with the opportunity to know Him better? Would you be willing to do a little dance as you praise Him that I am getting an opportunity to gain a greater understanding of what it means to be crucified with Christ? Could you do me the honor of responding with joy?

This week the pain didn’t feel like pure joy. I didn’t even attempt to count it pure joy. Physically exhausted from a ridiculous work schedule that I am choosing, I became unable to control my thoughts and mind. I sunk in anger and fear – just ask some of my friends. Somewhere in it, my inner being longed to respond to the pain with joy. “Could you please, Laura, rejoice at the honor of suffering with Christ that God is giving you? Could you rejoice at the work He has done in you? Could you rejoice over the work He has done through you?”

These days my inner being is getting stronger. Romans 7 says: “So I find this law at work in me: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?”

What a wretched woman I am! But my inner being is getting stronger, crying out to be heard. It longs for sweet surrender to His will. It longs to simply pursue the heart of God. It is tired of being encased in this body of flesh, which is subject to death. This body is enshrouded with pride, lust and greed. It wants self-indulgence and comfort, but my inner being just wants Him. It just wants perfect union with Him. It wants to live in perfect righteousness. It wants to be entirely selfless. It wants to walk in holiness. It wants to forget my body exists, and just worship His glory.

What a wretched woman I am! Who will rescue me?

Then Romans continues, “Thanks be to God who delivers me through Christ Jesus our Lord.”

The next time you see or hear of me writhing in pain, could you do me the honor of counting it pure joy? The next time that you see me nearly deciding to walk away from God, could you pray God slaps me for being a dumbass and then rejoice that He is giving me the opportunity to once again count the cost of following Him before I go one step deeper with Him on this journey?

My dear brother, my dear sister, could you do me the honor of counting the pain along my journey a cause for pure joy?

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8

Do you respond to the pain in your own life with joy? Do you respond to the pain in the life of other believers with joy? Have you ever jumped up and down with excitement at the prospect of pain?

P.S. If you are entirely confused by this article, read the book of James. :)

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