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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Or all the days after that either

Today was a ridiculously long day. It was so long that I can barely remember its beginning. I just want to cry tonight. Cry and cry and cry and cry. My life is way too much for me, and I am not sure I have the strength to live it. I am incredibly tired, but it is more than that. I am overwhelmed. I don’t know how I will have the humility to live it. I don’t think it is about the strength.

Last week I was journaling, and I asked myself if I would have the strength for … Then I went and crossed out each time I wrote strength, and instead I wrote humility. Will I be humble enough to live my life like it really isn’t mine? I want it to be mine tonight. I don’t want it to hurt so much. I want someone to take care of it for me. I want to be able to cry myself to sleep tonight, but I don’t know if I am brave enough to be able to feel that much. Tonight in step group, I felt like crying over half the questions.

I don’t want to face tomorrow or the day after that or the day after that or any of the days after that either.

I decided I need a new serenity prayer. The old one is awesome, and we should stick with it. But I have a new verse now: God, grant me the moral fortitude to admit the things I have done, to forgive the things that have been done to me, and the wisdom not to procrastinate until tomorrow.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15

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