No weeping. No fear or pain. I look forward to that day. Today was a good day. It took most of the day before I felt particularly productive. Tonight as I go to bed, I feel really content. I feel like I am a complete person. Like my God is enough for me. His grace is all I need. I am still amazed about the change He seems to have so suddenly created in my heart. I love looking around my apartment and rejoicing about how rich I am instead of thinking I am deprived. I have a ton of things I do not need. I have more than I could ever ask or imagine. He is good to me.
I am once again thinking about “unChristian” things God is asking me to do. I have not thought of these things in that way in a year or so. If you go waaaay back on this blog, I had a continuing conversation with God about it for several months. It is back in my life. God is asking me to be unChristian. It always makes me wonder, “What if I am just being unChristian?”
But there is the flip side, the side that says following Jesus takes a very open mind. It takes an open mind to walk the narrow way. I am so convinced of it. I would have never been able to go on the crazy amazing adventure I am on with God if I had a narrow mind these last few years. An open mind allowed me to engage whether Jesus actually meant crazy things like, “Take all that you have and give it to the poor.” or “If you look at a woman with lust, you have already committed adultery with her in your heart.” Before these last few years I dismissed so much of what Jesus said because it was unattainable instead of viewing it as a picture of God’s perfect love. Realizing God’s commands are a picture of His perfect love has changed my life. I can give you few of the answers to life’s toughest questions, but I do know it is in sacrifice I have experienced Him. If I lay down my life, I will find it. Overall, I am a big Jesus fan. His words have proven to be so true.
I engaged God and those around me in new ways today. Multiple times. It is good to grow spiritually and emotionally and encourage those around me to do so.
As an after thought, which I almost never add (I have weird rules for running this blog), I would be remiss to not add I had a period of doubt today. Just believing a lot of lies and being really confused about what God is asking me to do and the visions He has placed in my heart. I called a friend to help me remember truth and get out of the funk. I seem to be back on track tonight.
Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.” – Mark 8:34-38
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