I am so excited! I have tomorrow off except for like four hours, and all the other hours are going to be filled with things I get to do instead of have to do. This afternoon I had two hours to do nothing, so I took a nap and watched CR testimonies on YouTube. Sometimes I think I am narrowing my life experience too much. But then CR people are so amazing, the best you will ever meet. I thought I would have to work 13 hours tomorrow, so I have been doing schoolwork really fast all week to get it all done.
As much as my day got better about noon (when I finished my last major assignment for the week). I had a tough morning. Yesterday was a spiritual high. This morning was a bit of a low. I heard myself think during quiet time, “I am such a waste.” It was very interesting to me because usually I would hear myself say “You are such a waste” as I told myself negative things. I wonder if all these use me and I statements versus you and we statements guidelines from CR are changing the words I use while thinking or if it is something different.
After the first seven hours of struggle, my day started looking up. I certainly enjoyed the last half of it. Just sitting with nothing to do was so amazing. It did take some time to get my brain out of the survival-work mode.
I started listening to a Northpoint message today about “the pain and promise of obedience”. Story of my day. Story of my week. Story of my life.
Tomorrow I get to prepare the teaching for step 10 at Large Group. “and when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.” Yesterday afternoon I was wrong about something pretty important to me. It took me like five minutes to admit it. I am so excited! God may actually be able to use me if I can lay my pride at His feet!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11