Saturday, May 31, 2014
7 AM: “Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize and acknowledge him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6
I have been having weird dreams the last few days. I don’t know why. The week ended with me waking this morning from a dream where I was the abuser instead of the abused. I woke up clearly disturbed. As I showered and prepared for my day, I remembered what my counselor told me (so obvious but so often forgotten by me): Talk to God about how you feel when this happens.
I started to do that aloud this morning. I told Him about how ashamed I felt that I could not control my subconscious and that such thoughts existed in my subconscious. Proverbs 3:6 came to me. I began to confess I would acknowledge Him in all my ways – even this one.
I tried to not try to figure out the “why” to why I was dreaming (nightmaring) instead of just having a conversation with God about it. As I sat down for quiet time, I decided to look up the context of Proverbs 3:6. I noticed the previous verse “lean not on your own understanding”.
There probably is no point to trying to figure out the why of this. I will just talk to God about it and through it. I feel so much better when talking to God about it versus trying to figure it out. Trying to figure it out brings on more feelings of shame. Talking to God about it relieves the feelings of shame and replaces it with His peace.
10 PM: I am almost home. I am really, really glad. I miss the people there. I miss my life there. I have lots of new things in my life to get started on and be excited about. I am excited to be home, so I can start them.
“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize and acknowledge him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11