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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Nine reasons I need God

I understand people who say once you are transparent, you will never want to go back to putting up your walls. But I do not believe it is that easy. I struggle every single day to be transparent. Sometimes the only reason I am transparent is because I know I am expected to be as a servant at CR. Sometimes it makes every fiber of my being want to run. Like tonight.

What in heaven’s name am I doing this for? What is this? Nine things. At least nine things are changing dramatically in my life right now. If one of them was happening at a time, I would be scared. With nine of them at a time, I feel in a bit over my head. I want them all. I want them all to change. I am just afraid. I would say nervous, but today that probably would not be the case.

I do not want to quit. I want to move forward. I want to learn. I want to learn to love extravagantly. I want a quick fix. I do not want a quick fix. One of these days, I should just do something to actually scare the tar out of me and actually be transparent. Actually risk something. I am really tired of these walls. Are they going to tumble down? Should I tear them down? Maybe I could climb over them.

I am going to change. God is going to change me. He will work all nine things out in my heart and life. It seems to me doing all nine at a time is a bit much. I think there are more than nine. Father, help! I have never had to trust you this much before!

I came across this passage twice in the last few days. I want to think about it more. If Jesus said the man had more faith than anyone in Israel, I want to know why Jesus thought he had amazing faith. I need some.

When Jesus had finished saying all this to the people who were listening, he entered Capernaum. There a centurion’s servant, whom his master valued highly, was sick and about to die. The centurion heard of Jesus and sent some elders of the Jews to him, asking him to come and heal his servant. When they came to Jesus, they pleaded earnestly with him, “This man deserves to have you do this, because he loves our nation and has built our synagogue.” So Jesus went with them.

He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: “Lord, don’t trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, “I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.” Then the men who had been sent returned to the house and found the servant well. Luke 1:1-10

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