I did not have x time today, but I almost had x time today. It was really close to x time today. I did keep a deal with myself. Between church and Celebrate Recovery, I went away and spent time with just God. I never even read the Bible; I just prayed. I think it is what saved my afternoon and evening. I was just about to lose it emotionally. I wasn’t sure it was going to save it until a few minutes before my timer rang. Then my issues just seemed to evaporate. I almost gave up halfway through and returned to running after all the little things I could have been doing. I didn’t. I am so glad because I would have missed the blessing. It is amazing to me how many times my time to connect with God doesn’t release me from my angst until the timer is almost ready to ring.
I was not sure how just praying could help me anyway. What would I do without the Word? I have the Word on my phone, but honestly I have a bad emotional connection with my phone. That thing is really demanding. I want to throw it across the room some days. It is not the thing I want to read scripture off! In those last few minutes, He kept reassuring me He would never leave me nor forsake me. I believed Him.
Last week after CR I came home a mess, barely able to control myself. This week I came home in peace and joy. X time is always the right decision. If only I could remember it.
Today was the last message in my church on a series on giving. It has been a really hard few weeks for me. God has been talking to me a lot about my body. He has also been talking to me about giving. I have some line-item giving I have to start doing. I think He asked me to do it already in November. That is when it started to be on my heart. I reasoned it away. But after today’s message, I was certain I have to give more. I will have to trust God to pay my bills. I have to trust Him to do that anyway.
I still feel really inadequate tonight regarding loving people and doing what God has called me to do. X time. I better have some x time.
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5
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