What a mighty God we serve! What a mighty God we serve! I should have written this this morning. It has been a long day. A good day, but a long one. It is really nice to be on the other side of the panic attack. I think I released a lot of negative emotion. I had a very unpanicky day, which is surprising because I faced the situation I was so afraid of I was crying myself to sleep.
We all lived to tell about it! Which is pretty amazing! I wasn’t scared the whole time. Not like panicky scared. Not even really like other scared. I was scared beforehand. My stomach hurt a little, but during the experience suddenly it did not seem like there was any reason to be scared or that it was a big deal at all. I mean it was a big deal and a huge step of growth, but it was not painful.
I feel totally untraumatized now. However, since God was already nudging me towards the whole trauma thing last week, I will be pursuing it. I know I need it to continue growing. I so want to continue growing. I think if I had to choose the thing I most dread, it would be growing stale in my relationship with Christ. Quitting growing and beginning to focus on fleshly things. The ultimate horror: pursuing the American dream. I just never want to become that person that says passion is for the new Christian or the young person or for a certain stage in life. May my passion grow each day.
Anyway today I feel very much like I live in a dream world where dreams really do get to come true. As a little girl I dreamed I would know Him someday. Someday He could not possibly forget about me. I wanted Him too bad for that. Then as an adult I learned He stands with eager arms welcoming everyone who wants to come to Him, so I came running. Occasionally I tried to run away. But now I have found a group of people who pursue Him. I get to pursue Him with people. I get to actually believe and do what the Bible says. Taking up my cross is no longer a mystery verse explained away. Laying down my life means laying down my life. But most importantly, I found my way back to God. Occasionally when I think about it, I get a stupid grin on my face over what He has given me. These people are incredible. I get Jesus, I get people who passionately love Jesus, and they all love me. What more could a girl ask for?
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. – I Corinthians 13:8-12