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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

My cup runneth over

Last night after blogging, I was preparing for bed when the thought occurred to me, “If I wanted to actually live a productive life, I would have to spend x amount of time with God a day.” It was a thought I have known for a very long time. I have been busy trying to avoid it. The history of this blog may hint towards me avoiding it. I avoid it because I do not like to be weak. I should be able to function without having to spend that much time in an incubator. How big of a baby am I?

I decided last night to test God. I do not like that wording, neither do I like the concept much. I do not believe I should ultimately test Him about anything; instead I should obey Him. As His servant, that is my position. My position is not to check whether He is faithful. It is to obey Him while believing He is faithful.

That all being said, this week I am running an experiment. I am pulling faces as I type that word. I am not happy to be using it. I would rather follow. This week I am spending the amount of time I have thought for a very long time I would need to spend with God to be a fully functioning person. One who is actually capable of a productive life.

How was my first day of x time? For once I did not feel like I was starving. I always feel like I am starving. Like I do not have enough God time; but today by the time I began to be anxious about my life, it was time for my next meal. My God time is coming in three portions throughout the day. For once I lived my day satisfied. For once I could truly empty my cup because my cup had been sufficiently filled.

I am so afraid of being weak. It may appear to be odd, but I am a follower of Jesus who is embarrassed to admit to spending time with Him. Why should I need Him so badly? If people know, they will think I am weak. I wrote that down today while I was making dinner. Step study has me processing things I am afraid to hand over to God. I am afraid to hand over feeling weak. No, I am afraid to handover being weak. I haven’t made it to Paul’s position of being glad when I am weak and beat up and oppressed yet. I still see weakness as a flaw, not as the opportunity for Christ’s power to be shown through me.

In a few weeks, my favorite lesson for comedy’s sake will be taught at CR large group. “When we were wrong, promptly admitted it.” Step 10 is the step that makes me laugh the most. It is only not my favorite because who could live without step 3? and what about all those steps between those two of learning to surrender to God? or my favorite word in step 11: only. “Praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and power to carry that out.”

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10


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