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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Moving forward

Well, God seems to be multiplying my time, which is a good thing because it is a busy week. One of the questions tonight for dinner group is times in our lives when we felt overwhelmed. “Now.”

I had an amends conversation yesterday and today. It was good. It is good to get rid of baggage and be able to move on because one has talked it out. I think an awful lot of the amending process is clearing up misunderstandings.

I was feeling quite down this morning about myself as a “celebrating recoverer” if you will. Just not adequate or sufficient or enough or healed enough. Sure my whole world would reject me if I did not manage to reconcile every broken relationship in my life. But it was one of those days when I needed to stop by the church office. It was a celebration that seeing these people made my day so much better. No freaking out today. Just celebrating.

Another question was about next steps in our lives. I don’t know. I wish I knew the next step for some of the amending relationships in my life. Being a part of a 12-step program is so different than what is shown on TV. It is not just a list one apologizes to. It is something more. Before every conversation, one must figure out what is truth and what is fiction. I know that is technically step 4. Five steps before making amends, but sometimes I have changed so much between those two times that what I thought was true six months ago no longer seems so.

I am making my most detailed inventory ever right now, which means it will probably take me three or four months. But that is okay, inventories are supposed to take that long. Since I have a lot of the big ones out of the way in previous inventories, I am trying to right down the names to the resentments and fears in my life that just give me a little reaction. People that I do not think of all that often; but when I do, I wish I didn’t. It would be nice to lose that feeling. I am learning I resent people over some stupid stuff.

Now it is time for bed because I am weary beyond reason. Thankfully dinner group was at my house tonight, so I am going to be in bed early. Oh, you missed it. How sad. I served a three course meal of ice cream, which included a chocolate milk shake.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. – Matthew 5:23-24

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