I came home a peaceful, contented woman; but today was really, really hard for most of the day. I felt like I did three or four months ago. It was tough. I had a few triggers in a row, and for a few hours it just went south. Then something someone said helped me stabilize and change around my day.
How I handled the triggers is technically a celebration. I do not know what it looked like on the outside of me, but the inside of me was different today.
I could still experience my emotions in the moment at church. That is huge. I just had such a phenomenal week last Sunday that I was not prepared to struggle so hard for seemingly no reason this week.
I think the celebration comes in that I did not feel threatened or condemned by the people around me. Somewhere in the turmoil, I was able to acknowledge the real source or my problems. Somehow just giving myself permission to have a bad day made me able to continue to experience my surroundings instead of shutdown.
Most of the rest of the day I was still emotionally drained. I felt like I had been in a war. I was less upset by the triggers, and more weary from the battle. Then there was CR, a great conversation with a friend, and going to my other small group tonight to put me on track.
I am excited about this week. All the writing will be good for me.
But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” – Isaiah 43:1-3
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