Tonight I am feeling sorry for myself, and I am feeling angry. I am frustrated for many reason. I am frustrated because it seems that in some of my relationships I am the only person who is ever wrong. I’d love to say I am great at taking care of my part of the amends and letting the other part be between God and the other person in the relationship, but I am not. I am angry that the other people don’t have moments of clarity where they seem to look at their own backyard and figure out that maybe they should repent too. Isn’t that self-righteous of me? I think I am almost too tired to care.
“God, I would like to point out that I may be acting like a fool right now, but the other person deserves it.” Then I remember that the other person technically deserves hell, and I have to ask myself, “So what are you going to do with that realization?” And somehow I lose my steam because I don’t deserve anything except what they deserve, so pointing out what they deserve based on their actions is going to get me nowhere.
But I at least don’t have to be happy, do I? I am going to mourn with those who mourn tonight; I certainly don’t want to rejoice with those who rejoice. Then again, I also don’t want to set my gift down at the altar and go make amends with my friends before bringing my heart to God.
I have no idea how I went from not having enough to do to having nearly too much. Monetarily it is a good thing, but God help me keep my sanity in the midst of it!
I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. Romans 16:17-18
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