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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

More changing

I was crabby today. Sometimes I didn’t even have to tell it to my face. I have been crabby once in awhile over the last week or so to my babies, too. It occurred to me for the first time tonight I think my emotions are finally caught up to the moment I am in. Now I actually get to learn to control them and be nice to people! Before now I wasn’t doing enough feeling in the moment to have to work on responding in love when I was not in a good mood. Some days I did not even know I was not in a good mood!

I was crabby today because I was not stressed out enough. Do not ask. I like a good deal of excitement in my life. Life is calming down. It is a good thing because I needed rest. But now I am in a bit of a waiting time. I am just itching to DO something. Everything I am doing takes a while to get results. So I get to wait and wait and wait.

One thing I need to get back to work on is this inventory I have been working on. It is the hardest one yet. I am making myself be more specific and writing down the people I am just a little mad at. For some reason, I squirm looking at how trivial the cause of some of the anger in my life is! Honestly, I am starting another step study in three-ish weeks. Part of me longs to wait until then to face a whole other inventory. How many of these do I have to do???

Some of the stuff I have to write down is simply embarrassing. You know what is going to happen, right? I am going to end up talking about it to people. One day I will be in the middle of a lesson and out will pop an example. I will have planned the example, but I will not have planned to share exactly how bad I was. But it will come out right in front of all those people. Such is the course of my life.

I am also still working on this conversation I didn’t want to have with God. It is interesting. I am learning things about myself I wasn’t sure I knew. I am a little afraid. Actually, this conversation is more than likely the reason for all my crabbiness. It is a tough one. I really, really love the Bible. I am glad God didn’t give us a textbook. But on a subject like this, a textbook would be a little bit nice. Blessed are the merciful, for they will obtain mercy….

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16

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