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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Mixed emotion

Oh, I am emotional tonight. I tried to make myself bitter and angry today and I could not. An odd thing to try, I suppose; but only a week ago I was actually upset over this thing. Today I tried to get myself worked up and failed miserably. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to experience a freakout, as on some level I thought my anger over whatever the situation is was justifiable. Only I didn’t feel it anymore. Weird.

Today was a day of abundance. I ate breakfast, got a stomach ache from nerves because of a meeting, and rejoiced for quite some time. Then I started trying to think myself into anger. It was weird that that did not work. A really good sort of weird.

Really, I just want to praise Him. I feel like I am going to bore you to death with all my good feelings; but honestly, isn’t it a nice change from the despair of previous months? I think so. I did not know life could be like this. Peace. Peace. Peace.

I may be celebrating in one area, but I also am disappointed in myself. Majorly disappointed in myself. Why can’t I for once be enough? I must set the bar too high because I keep tripping on it. I wonder if everyone else notices I fall short also? I feel like I wasted another entire opportunity for the last several months. I always screw things up. I guess that is why my life is unmanageable. I may want to be an island; but if I try to be one, I will fall.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5:22-23


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