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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Mixed emotion

Christ alone. Cornerstone. Weak made strong in the Savior’s love. Through the storm. He is Lord. Lord of all. So He is. And I get to stand on the Rock. I am glad of that! I just got back from the first evening of a recovery conference. Very nice. I am very energized from the evening and the six-ish miles of walking I did to get there and back.

I am real thankful for today. I am fighting a lot of old lies though. Not like I was fighting them six months ago, but like I am fighting them now. The last few days I have just been whacked over the head with what the devil would like me to believe. That devil annoys me. I don’t like to give him too much of my day. But sometimes I ought to send him back to hell a bit more. Ignoring him might make him go away. Idk, but maybe rebuking him in the process would help.

In any case, that has been a bit of a struggle. I am just realizing that my struggle now feels like fear. Six months ago I called it bitterness and anger. Now I know it is fear. It all comes down to every time I know I cannot control something I care immensely about, I freak out and start thinking unkind thoughts about people who could change the situation.

I have also been struggling with feelings of same-sex attraction again sporadically. Now this is always a tricky conversation. But it is really like any other sin. Sometimes I am just attracted to it in passing and sometimes I struggle with the temptation to actually live in it. Off and on over the last few weeks, I have struggled with a longing to have a girlfriend. That is more vulnerable than I ever planned on being on the internet. I am not sure what to do about it except ask for accountability.

In closing, remember even Moses started life out as a basket case, so God can do great things through you, too!

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. – Romans 8:1-2

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