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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Mixed emotion

Today in many ways I had a very good day. I have cried a little tonight. I am sad because I have a really hard time holding onto any hope that the next chapter in my life is going to be any more pleasant than the last seven years. I am listening to a message by Francis Chan on rejoicing in suffering. Maybe I ought to take that to heart instead of just listening to it. Maybe then I would be rejoicing that life isn’t likely to get more pleasant. Seven years? How much more does God want me to do? Can something in my life go the way I want it to once? Is what I want circumstantially always bad? Why? Am I an inherently bad follower of Christ? I better go to bed. You don’t need to hear questions like this.

I love my people here in Jersey. I love them more than life itself, but ultimately God has to call the shots and I must simply bow the knee and follow.

On the upside, my brain performed better than it ever has in my life this morning. I was proud of it! I have been doing such a phenomenal amount of work. It is good to have a payout that will benefit me no matter where God leads!

Then the saying that is written will come true, “Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, o death, is your victory? Where, o death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin; and the power of sin is the Law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 15

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