It is early evening, and I have the rest of the evening to celebrate alone with Jesus. Tomorrow I wake up into a half work day/half holiday. I will celebrate with Him then too. I am not quite sure what to do with Him though. I don’t want to do my normal study of Matthew. It doesn’t seem appropriate. Something quieter seems more appropriate. Something more reflective. I am afraid to reflect though because lately reflection leads to depression, disconnect and something close to despair. Odd for a recovery leader to say that she cannot live within reality without those things happening. It means she is in desperate need of recovery herself.
A few days ago, I texted a friend regarding having trouble forgiving someone. As I went throughout my day, I reflected on what I believed originally that God had called me to in the relationship. I noticed that I had written this person off as having considered them as having out-sinned what I was capable of handling in the relationship. Odd how you can take all kinds of crap from someone, and then one day they say something that seems trivial but breaks the camel’s back. A relationship where you had already forgiven so much suddenly comes crashing down around you. The only thing you can think is it is over, and nothing can make you want to step into intimacy with them again.
I realized that I was clearly not loving with God’s love within this relationship. If I was, then this person could not have out-sinned my love since they seem willing to repent and confess. Within the context of confession and repentance, God’s love cannot be out-sinned. My love is easily out-sinned.
Today as I cried out to God about all the broken relationships in my life, I realized I am being given a great opportunity to demonstrate grace. A very unique opportunity. Kind of a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I choose grace in some of these situations going on in my life, I am pretty sure that I will actually be able to hear my flesh sizzle as it dies while being a living sacrifice. The people around me may smell the sweet aroma of the sacrifice. Haha.
While Jesus was eating dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with Him and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked His disciples, “Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy not sacrifice’. For I have not come to call the righteous but sinners.” Matthew 9