I think this may very well be the very most awesome Christmas Day I have ever had. At one point today I even wondered if I could possibly imagine having one better. Oddly enough, I couldn’t. I couldn’t think of one way my Christmas could be more perfect. I didn’t have to long for a tomorrow with more perfect relationship. I didn’t have to be sad my Christmas was unconventional because frankly my Christmas was awesome.
I am also working on some forgiveness issues. Mine is a complicated existence which I do my best to navigate well. I may do a miserable job of that most days. I think a lot of people, or at least it seems like a lot, keep telling me I am just weary. I suppose I am. I think I would use the word disillusioned. But I don’t want to talk too much about it tonight.
I am working on step four. I did step four work for about an hour and a half today. The waters are quite murky in some of my relationships. God is helping me separate truth from lies. But to tell the truth, the truth I am learning is painful and I do not know how I will be able to adjust to it. Ugh, I am beginning to look forward to the day when I don’t devote three months of my year to prayer for God to reveal all my sin to me. Works wonders in my life, but is hard enough already.
I am trying to “balance the scale” – not be so hard on the people who have hurt me in non-abusive relationships. It helps and frustrates me at one time. In any case, on a completely unrelated note, I read the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead tonight. Do you suppose he was foolish enough to complain to God after he rose again that he was the one chosen to die in this situation?
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” – John 11:25-26