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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Many thoughts

Today was a pretty good day. I spent some time talking to a friend about my issues of believing people love me for more than a function in their life. Somewhat totally disconnected from this issue is my experience with beginning to set boundaries. It turns out all friends don’t hang on to relationship throughout this process. Some just leave. It makes me wonder if I am doing it wrong or if this is the natural way things would happen should I decide to stand up for myself. I am going to talk to my counselor about it the next time I see her.

I came to a realization that I need to lead from a humble perspective. I am not entirely sure what that is all going to entail. I bet it means I am going to be wrong a lot. It also means I need to be super teachable and not think I know everything. I usually start thinking I know everything when I get insecure because I get to scared of change to want to change direction half way through something. It takes slowing down to change direction.

I had a lot of God’s peace in the last half of today. The first half I was really seriously disturbed by my still current belief system that I am a function or a role not a being. I am something that fills in a gap in people’s lives, but not worthy of anything beyond that. I apparently still don’t really understand anything beyond that.

In this whole process of life I can also become really mystified by feelings. My own and other people’s. They really confuse me. I like them well enough. They are just confusing.

I think I learned other brilliant things today. I cannot remember them at this hour. Step study was amazing tonight. One more lesson of questions, and we are done!

“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” – Isaiah 1:18


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