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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Longing


I am sickish in my body, but getting better in my soul. I had a very quiet day and cancelled some plans to rest. Really trying to press in to God and ask Him to help me forgive. I am thinking a lot about sacrifice. Wondering if I will have the strength to give everything. Wondering if I will have the strength to give anymore. He is worth everything I have ever given Him. He is worth everything I have not given Him also. I have lived in so much selfishness.

I am planning on writing about focus soon because I have been thinking a lot about focus. I have started to try to believe lies like I really haven’t grown in the last four years. Then I remember the focus of my life four and a half years ago. My focus wasn’t God. My life was so full of idols that I couldn’t focus on Him clearly. When I tried, everything was so blurry. In the last four years, He has just removed idol after idol from my life. All my crutches, all the things I turn to for comfort are becoming His.

The last few days I want to go home to Him. Not in a kill myself to escape pain sort of way, but in a longing for completeness and wholeness sort of way. Longing for when I will know fully as I am fully known. Longing for when the pain of this journey is over. Longing for when He will be my everything. I wrote a poem in my quiet time about six weeks ago. One of the lines is “I want to come home to You.” It is a desire of my heart right now. I want to go home to Him. Not just in the words of a song, but in the longing for complete salvation from this broken world. I want to go Home. I so long for the day when pain and sin doesn’t rack my life and the lives of those around me.

He is worth it all.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. – Psalm 121

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