Today was a pretty good day. I am continuing to learn things about myself. Some of them less pleasant than others. Some of them entirely unpleasant, but I suppose it is best to know the truth instead of believe a lie. I mean I know that. I suppose I am even glad to learn the truth, but these particular truths make me feel like hiding. I do not necessarily enjoy being humbled.
Today I prayed, “God, please humble me privately before I get so proud You need to humble me publicly.” Then I wondered if God really was so “mean” He would do that. Then I remembered God opposes the proud and gives favor to the humble. So yes, He would. Then I felt pretty small.
Today I recognized an area of my life where I need to forgive. I never realized it so much until this afternoon. I always think it is interesting when I don’t know I am mad over something, but then I am talking to someone real close to me about it and my voice gives it away even to myself. Which makes me think I am not as self aware as I thought. My counselor thinks I am quite self-critical. She thinks I should have more self efficacy and less self criticism. I get confused and criticize myself for it. (The last line being a bit of a joke, but probably true.)
Today I thought about how one could say that the Bible is “shallow” since it gives only simple instructions on how to follow God, but I only could have thought it shallow before following. Taking a command like giving everything to the poor entirely removes shallowness from my life. Deep. God’s instructions are deep if only I will obey them.
“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” – Matthew 17:20
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