Sometimes time is a real constraint in my life. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know that about three years and three months ago, I looked in the mirror one night. Talking to myself in bleary mindlessness, I said, “You know if you wanted to actually accomplish something with your life, you would have to spend _______ time with God a day.”
I termed that amount “x time” for the sake of my blog, so that you my readers would never know what amount of time that is. I fought it tooth and nail for a year. Finally, I succumbed to what was apparently the Spirit’s invitation, I gave myself time with God for my birthday. I had permission to have X time everyday. My life has been revolutionized.
I did not know what I was getting myself into. Had God revealed the trials I would go through in the years that followed, I would have, perhaps, taken the time back to pursue idols instead of a path that would ensure I had to give them up. God meant what He said about denying ourselves and taking up our cross. He doesn’t call us to have fun. He doesn’t call us to be entertained. He calls us to serve Him freely without fear in holiness and righteousness before Him all our days. The road isn’t supposed to be easy. It is not supposed to be filled with laughter created by our circumstances but with laughter that bubbles up in our spirits from the irrepressible joy His Spirit creates in us. Joy is to come from the inside out – not the outside in.
Occasionally as I juggle life’s schedule, I wish I could have extra time with God today to make up for a packed schedule tomorrow. What if I did 150% percent today, so I could do 50% tomorrow? Won’t it all average out in the end?
I have learned life doesn’t work that way. After all, Jesus said He was manna. Manna doesn’t last overnight. It has to be gathered fresh every morning. You can’t eat too much of it either. It isn’t like regular food that you can eat an excess of it, so that it will turn into fat so you can eat less tomorrow. Tomorrow you are going to need the same amount – no matter how much you eat today. I can’t store Jesus. I must walk in continual relationship with Him.
Today I was praying as I was washing my dishes. My habit of building prayer into every mundane activity that I do has been working. Turning on the shower and beginning to pray is actually starting to happen simultaneously without thought. I am glad for this. I never want to pray while taking lightly who I am praying to, but I don’t mind having talking to Him be the bedrock of the rhythms in my life.
Back to washing the dishes… As I was praying, this thought came to me, “Laura, you don’t have to pray all the time. Give it a rest! This simply doesn’t need to be done. You are overdoing it.”
Thankfully it was an easy lie to spot. If a voice ever tells you that you are over-focusing on God, assume it is the devil speaking. God wants us to be obsessed with Him 100% of the time. He wants every relationship in our life to be mediated by Him. This terminology I “steal” from Deitrich Bonhoeffer. Jesus should stand between me and everything I do and everyone with whom I am in relationship. Every action I make and every word I speak should first be between God and me. It should never be between the other human being and me. The latter is what some would call idolatry. I don’t see the Bible straight-forwardly using that terminology, but I can tell you with confidence that it will lead to destruction. When I commit sin, it is first against God and then against the other person. At least that is my current understanding. A verse comes to mind in which I can argue with myself about that though.
I don’t know what my future holds. I know my life has been transformed by eating manna everyday. Life didn’t work when I thought gluttony on Saturday could feed me on Monday. It just won’t. God doesn’t want it to. He wants to be my constant companion. He is.
He has been giving me some pretty cool revelations over this last week. I can’t wait to keep sharing them with you. May the true Bread of Heaven be the source of all your life.
How often do you “touch bases” with Jesus? Have you figured out how manna works? Do you experience God in depending on Him in this way?
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