I feel like a girl. I feel like I am a girl. I used to sometimes try to be a girl. Try to look like a girl. Try to act like a girl. But now I am starting to feel like a girl. Starting to realize I am a girl. On occasions, like right now, I feel like a drop-dead gorgeous woman. It is the end of a really long day, and that is a huge celebration.
I had so much fun today. I was an Easter Bunny. At CR we learn how to peal back the layers of our mask so someday we can just be ourselves without always presenting an image of something we are not. But as an Easter Bunny, I was not myself and I could be anything, or well an Easter Bunny. I think it is the second most pure, unbridled fun time I have had in two hours in my life. The first being three hours of playing with wild abandon with kids at an orphanage in Mexico.
I love the community of people God has put around me to love me to wholeness. Mainly tonight I am just excited to be a girl. A pretty girl. A pretty girl who is well-loved. I did not know I would ever feel beautiful and safe at the same time. A feeling of beauty has always sparked defense mechanisms in the past. Feeling beautiful was not safe. It is safe now, and I love it.
The walls are tumbling down. Excruciatingly slowly some days, but they are coming down.
Another major celebration is I was able to function in my Christian family today with minimal time with God this morning. My emotions are not raw like a few months ago. I had overslept, and I needed to be somewhere on time. But I had an amazing verse to meditate on this morning. One I had prepared last night to send to a friend this morning for encouragement.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. – Deuteronomy 31:6
I do not celebrate I did not spend much time alone with God this morning. I celebrate I am becoming able to spend time with Him with people around me.