What did I learn today? Maybe that I talk too much when I am tired. Had an awesome evening with a few friends. We went to celebrate the launching of a CR in a nearby town. It was a late evening, but nonetheless productive. They had various leaders from neighboring CRs each talk about a step in the program and how it affected their lives.
Two things were said tonight that I want to think about more. One is from Step 8. “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” The leader sharing mentioned that after God gives you a “Hallelujah”, He gives you a “Do ya lujah”. He went on to explain that after we are saved and our sins are forgiven, God expects us to make amends with those around us. Just because God forgave us for hurting people while we were an addict, doesn’t mean we are free of the responsibility of going to those people and apologizing and making amends.
The other one was a comment made by the speaker who presented Step 9. “We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” She commented, “If there is pride in your heart, there is insecurity in your soul.” This puts words to something that I have been thinking about off and on for sometime. Pride is the root of insecurity. The desire to be independent, the desire to be able to live without the help of others, the desire to be without flaw in our performance are all forms of pride and rebellion against God. When I am insecure, I am insecure because I have abandoned my position as a child and creation of God wholly dependent on Him and have attempted to live life independent from Him.
My journey through Wounded Heart has also really brought this area of thinking to the foreground of my thinking lately. One of the ways God created us is to depend on Him. If we are not depending on Him, we will be insecure because we are not in an environment for which we were created.
Now I shall go to bed less I risk writing when I am too tired to make sense.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will obtain mercy. Matthew 5:7
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