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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae


I had a most amazing revelation last night after blogging. I realized Jesus Christ died, so I could have as much time with God as I wanted. Now I have known for years that Jesus died so we could have a relationship with God, but I never thought of it in a quiet time sort of way. Now of course, I can spend my whole day with God, not just my quiet time, but for two long years I have been trying to cover up to everyone, including myself my desperate need for intimacy with my God.

I just came home from my nonCR church small group. One of the questions there was “What do you think of when you think of intimacy?” Two years ago I established a significant amount of God time in my routine. I keep telling people how it will change their lives if they do the same. When I think of intimacy, I think of the time I spend with God with just me and my Bible. Nothing else. No music. No journals. Just me and Him. Mostly I think of the sweet times, but I suppose sitting in a secluded corner of a park, cussing Him out as I release the pain I held inside would also be a type of intimacy.

I keep thinking of how close to Him I felt ten years ago when it was just Him and me, and life was a major pain. How I slept curled in His arms. I left Him hold me in all that pain. The last couple years He has held me as I processed all that pain. Not all that pain. A lot of it came out before now. I am incredibly and eternally grateful for the spiritual family I have in New Jersey; but as I have thought about years ago over the last week or two, I have acquired a deeper appreciation for all I went through before now. I have begun to respect the pain I have endured in my life. Or maybe respect the person who bore and processed it.

Now I shall go to bed. Would you believe I have had at least four bowls of ice cream today? You should. Though I might have lost track of the actual number. I decided I should add ice cream to my list of staple food items during the summer.

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:25-27


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