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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Integrity

As much as I was scared and sad and off-balance yesterday, today I felt loved. I felt very loved this morning as I walked the children to school. Not so much by the children as by my spiritual family. I still am a bit off-balance. I feel like a fish out of water. I do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. I definitely am losing control. I never had control; it just made me feel more comfortable to fake it than to realize I do not have it.

One of my favorite things about this part of my life is I am beginning to stand up for what I believe everywhere. It doesn’t mean I am obnoxious (I hope). It just means if I disagree I might say so. I might be okay with talking about my writing or my sexuality or my faith. I love becoming a woman of integrity. It is such a fulfilling experience. I used to be like George Constanza. If my worlds collided, I would freak out. It would be the end of me. As I have become the same person in all of my worlds, it doesn’t scare me anymore. I won’t have to be more than one person at a time if my worlds collide.

I managed to write about 2,500 words in my novel today. It has gotten so much easier emotionally than the first part of the novel. Maybe, just maybe, I will write 30,000 words in March. If I do, that may just finish the first draft. Hurray! I have come up to a small bump of some major decision making in the plot line. Guess I will sleep on it. Then go with my imagination.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” – Luke 11:9-13

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