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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

In plenty

I have had a quite pleasant day working quietly. I am still finding it difficult to feel satisfied and content with my lifestyle. Part of it is because of pride. I do not like the way people may view my life. I was doing fine until a few comments made by people this week.

One was by a parent to the child. Now if you walk through the town I live in and listen to the conversations parents have with their children, you will discover most parents don’t want their child to turn out like me. Now to be fair I have only gotten this a couple times. It is more frustrating when you know the people making them. Seriously? If you look at the next one million years of your child’s life as a whole from an objective point of view, does it really matter if your child is a doctor, lawyer or babysitter for forty of those years? Probably not. This too will pass and be forgotten.

Oh, I just broke the small group guidelines and preached at someone else instead of focusing on my own thoughts, emotions and actions. Do I have to erase it? The issue has nothing to do with them or their point of view. It has everything to do with my pride. I got another comment from someone I knew this week, too. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

There are a couple more reasons I am processing this right now. I am thinking about making another somewhat absurd step into a very exciting job. I think God might be asking me to make the absurd step should the doors open up. Should I make this step of faith, my life will get harder. BUT the devil will be less happy. I think I am just being tested in this right now as I contemplate another sacrifice.

Then there is this thing called fasting. I am on a partial fast right now. I am at the “really, how much longer?” portion of it. I have to work through these emotions to give it to God. Fasting does draw me closer to God and teaches me so many other things about myself also. Like how much of my contentment in life has to do with when I am eating.

I have been trying to put my life in perspective by comparing it to what life would look like in the time of Jesus and what He had to say about life. As far as I am aware, somewhere between 25-75% of people in Jesus time considered themselves rich to have more than one day’s food on hand. I just read it in my textbook. I just can’t remember the percentage. I know 25% didn’t have enough to sustain themselves. Seeing as I have a lot more than that, I am rich.

How would Paul view my situation and what advice would he give me? I am slowly making my way through the epistles and studying what Paul believed that prevented him from burnout. I am absolutely sure Paul would consider my current situation to be in the “in plenty” category. What a lie that I struggle to not feel “in need”. Personally, I think it is a direct temptation sent by my enemy to keep me from following God. That and my sinful nature.

God, I desire only You.

To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world—right up to this moment. – 1 Corinthians 4:11-13

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