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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

If my God is for me

And then there was today, which is a whole lot more lovely than yesterday. I am thinking about taking inventory the CR way. What good did I do today? What did I do bad? Have I hurt anyone? What can I learn from my actions? I guess the good I did was submitting to Jesus. I am much more restful than I have been, perhaps in my entire life. The bad I did? Hmmm. I think it is mostly things I have omitted from my life. Oddly enough I do not know if I hurt anyone today. I think there are some people who might be hurt by me all the time. My counselor and I are working through that. What can I learn from my actions? Submission to Jesus is always the right answer.

I have nothing to lose. It is a wonderful way to live. I think about the principles Jesus taught. The odd part is not that I intellectually believe them. The odd part is that I have seen the stranger ones in action in my life. The odd part is I am fully convinced He really will supply all my need if I simply put His kingdom first. And if my story ends on earth with me starving to death under a bridge or dying of cancer untreated, would it not end eternally the same? Is not that all that matters?

I think of all the things that have changed in my life. Someday soon I am going to rewrite my testimony. Even I wonder what it will say. There is so much to say. How could it all possibly fit in twenty minutes?

I am sitting here thinking about how if God is for me, why should I be afraid? For the first time in my life, I feel like I believe it. I thought I did before, but now I think I do now. Odd how it keeps getting more and more like that. If I could think of a creative way to do it, I would write something tomorrow about “I thought I loved You then.”

Recovery and life keep getting better. Every time God removes a layer of distrust, I go deeper into a relationship with Him. I trust Him more and people less. And somehow oddly function so much better in my human relationships at the same time.

If our God is for us, who could ever stop us?

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. – Romans 8:35 & 37

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