I want to be teachable

I want to be teachable, and it is a battle against my pride. I have thought this often over the last year. If I could choose one legacy to be written on my gravestone regarding my character, it would be this, “She was teachable.” She was wrong a lot. She made a lot of mistakes. She committed a multitude of sins. She was socially awkward. She came from the middle of nowhere. She did not have much going for her when she started. But she was teachable. When someone told her she was wrong, she checked with the Bible. Then she promptly admitted it.

I want to be teachable, so I can change. I have noticed being teachable can be really painful because it basically entails acknowledging I have something to learn from everyone around me. And what I have to learn from them is not that I am better than them! It takes a lot of biting my tongue. It takes transparency. It takes a lot of saying, “I am wrong.” It takes asking a lot of questions, “How? Why? This is probably elementary, but can you explain this to me….” It takes receiving the gift of other people investing their time teaching me.

I am not always good at receiving gifts. Sometime ago I came to this realization. This is one of the reasons the Cross is an offense. (Galatians 5:11) It was a gift. My sinful nature does not want a gift. It wants a fair exchange. A fair exchange means I receive hell. I want a Gift.

Today was an amazing day. By the time I finished babysitting nine hours for a two year old I only just met today, I was filled to the brim with love, joy and peace. I may not make monetarily what I once did, but I am richer than I have ever been. God is blessing me.

If I search deep down in my heart today in a heart check, I find some Hurt and a small amount of Exhaustion. But instead of Anger and Resentment, I feel sadness. Sadness for all I have sinned against and all who have sinned against me. Tonight I am not really Tense; I am mostly just ready to dissolve into my bed.

I want a Gift. I want to be teachable. I want them to know, “She believed in Jesus.”

But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Matthew 20:25-28