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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

I sang and danced

I am having a really good day. I woke up angry. Really mad, really. So I talked to God about it. I do not know all the reasons I have been processing anger. One of them is being mad at the healing process. It reminds me I have to heal. It reminds me life is not fair. It reminds me how I was wounded. It reminds me to grieve for all the things I will never have, like not having to process pain while I learn how to love.

I have been walking around a lot saying, “I can’t believe this is happening to me.” It has to do with every area of my life. I historically never believed most good things could happen to me because I had too much pain to process in order for them to be able to happen to me.

I would say I cannot believe I became brave enough to face the pain, but I do not think I became brave enough. I think I became desperate. I hit the end of my rope, hung on, and said, “I give up God. I am doing it Your way no matter how hard it is.” It was hard, and it is hard. But it has been worth every bloody moment of recovery.

My noisy media fast ended today, so I listened to a lot of music. It was awesome. I was not listening to podcasts, music or videos for forty days to become a better listener. I am not sure if I succeeded, but I did become more aware of how much better I have to become. Today was awesome. I sang and danced, and it was awesome.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

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