Today was a pretty nondescript day. During most of it, I may have avoided issues. It is hard to face issues. I had a real good healthy conversation today with someone with whom I used to be in an unhealthy relationship. I suppose this is a cause for celebration. Mostly, I just feel irritable about healing and this process. The emotional work seems to keep coming at me. Cross this river. Climb this mountain. Always something new. I know there is a reward for this. I know I have already reaped a lot of rewards, but I am tired and crabby.
In a few minutes, I am going to leave to go to my small group from church and discuss this past week’s sermon about women submitting. I just cannot wait. (That is sarcasm.) it was a stellar message. An amazing concept. Now that I think about it, it was good news. But to digest this piece of good news, I have a lot of emotional work to do.
Okay, let me quit all this whining. I love the men God has put in my life to help me work through this crap. I have no complaints about them. I am absolutely grateful for an opportunity to work through this with so many people around me who love God more than me and love my long-term growth over my short-term emotional ease.
But just because I am grateful, does not mean it will be easy. I will still have to grieve. I will still have to be angry. I am going to have to let go of all this pain I hold inside. It is not likely to be pretty, but it will become beautiful. I need to trust God.
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I just came home from my small group, and it was amazing. It is amazing to have real conversations with real women about real issues. To hear and be heard. I also just told my roommate that I love my life. What is happening to me??
Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy. Though one goes along weeping, carrying the bag of seed, he will surely come back with shouts of joy, carrying his sheaves. – Psalms 126:5-6