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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

I need Jesus

I am so thankful for what God is doing in my life. I am really excited to be working Step 10 in the step study for the first time. It makes me feel like I am finishing something even if step 10 is a beginning. Steps 10, 11 and 12 are how I should grow the rest of my life. Or just go back to step 1, and step out of denial about a whole new area or the same one I have been working on for the last year and a half and finally quit lying about.

The most exciting part of step 10 is promptly admitting when I am wrong. Who wouldn’t want to do this? I am only trying to be a little bit funny. It is a lot of work to try to be right.

On Friday nights at large group meeting, we are working on beginning principle 4. I have begun to think about it a lot. One of the things that CR teaches is so important during this step is to also write down the positive things one has done in the past. That way the step does not get so hard that one quits. I shared a few months ago when I was taking step 4 that my entire good list was “I believed in Jesus” and one other thing I cannot remember. I think it was beginning to follow Him.

I have decided to make a list with two columns tonight and see if I can get the good list to outweigh the bad list. Not really to try to prove anything. Just for the sake of humor. I am not sure why I think it is humorous. I am sure it is not. I have a feeling all I will prove is how desperately I need Jesus. All the good things I have done just look so funny next to the bad things I have done.

Good thing: Was a stellar student her entire life.

Bad thing: Willingly chose to get involved in pornography and other habits I do not like to see on paper while knowing it would severely hurt her husband and marriage someday.

Hmmm. I don’t think Point G is going to get me to heaven.

Point G: Served at church

Point B: Cussed out favorite coworker at work.

Still don’t really see G winning.

G: disciplined aka stubborn

B: judgmental

I quit. I need Jesus. Step 4 was no fun at all. But it is paying off.

Now off to write the good and bad parts of my day down without worrying about keeping my relationships anonymous and confidential. Step 10 = fun.

For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. – Romans 7:18

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