Today was a very productive day. It started at 9 am when I received a text message from someone, which started an interesting difficult conversation. (Yes, it was by text. Do not judge me!) The good part about texting is I can step away from it for a few hours if I want and return later. I did so.
I had not taken a sabbath over the weekend because I had to work Saturday, and sometimes Sunday just is not a sabbath. So I rested and tuned into God until noon. I knew I had to talk to God and rest before the rest of the conversation or before my week started.
I tuned back into the conversation. Maybe I should say texted back into the conversation. I made it through with prayer and tears between texts. Another good thing about texting, I can thoroughly pray about each answer before sending it. In all, the conversation was much easier emotionally for me than a similar one I had had in January with the same person.
Then I did my best to concentrate on doing a take-home final, as I jotted down notes about things I wanted to talk to my counselor about at my appointment this evening.
Coming off the text conversation, I was having a hard time not going to a dark place. A place of “poor me’s” and “what will people think?’s”. It brought to the surface a fear I have had for years. I cannot control whether it happens, but it involves a lot of personal rejection. This afternoon I have been praying, “God, please do not let that be part of my story. I don’t want to have to tell it.” But I cannot control it. Maybe it will be.
I have also been considering over the last 24 hours that when someone is vulnerable with me, I want to press into the relationship instead of pull away. Sometimes, I think I might pull away accidentally. Sometimes, on purpose. But I always want to press in to love them better.
For a very emotionally diverse day, I have a lot of peace now. More than I have had at one time in weeks. I am thankful. I am glad. I believe in Jesus.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11