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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

I’ll give myself a break

I was really having a pretty good day. I even may be part of a lip sync contest tomorrow. I listened to the song today and danced to it for practice. It mostly left me in a good mood. Then I went to step study, which was pretty good. But I will be honest, there is nothing fun about step four. There is a whole lot of productivity going on, but nothing fun. Fun comes later. For right now, just be completely honest with God, yourself and others. Yeah, that is fun.

I walked in my door and just became angry. We should not have to put up with this! How did this become a part of life anyway? We did not sign up for it! I did not anyways. “This” being the pain not the process.

The truth is I did not sign up for most of my pain. Much of my pain stems from things I cannot control and I did not cause. But in the middle of 2008, I did choose to not follow God completely. I did choose to put dancing and career ahead of God and where I felt He was calling me. The harvest I have reaped from one small decision made about what my motivation would be on a cross-country move has been huge. It is a gigantic harvest of thistles. Coincidentally, burning ditches to get rid of thistles is kind of fun. Too bad recovery is not. Burning ditches is especially fun when your boots catch on fire. Moving on…

This blog would be so much more positive if I had my quiet time with God before it instead of after it. However, within in the first week of writing the blog, I realized if I was actually going to share about the pain in the journey, I was going to have to get real with all my emotions.

Today the biggest celebration is that when I danced, there was little flashback/breakdown/freakout involved. I mostly just had a lot of fun and felt a whole lot of positive feelings. That being said when one of my wise friends tonight told me I do not have to sing tomorrow if I do not want or think it will set me back in recovery, I was thankful for the break and gladly accepted. I am not ready right now to do something that is so intensely personal for me in front of people. I have enough pain in my life without digging up more. I am excited to be coming to a place where I am willing to give myself a break for no reason. Resting seems like a good time to heal. I will take the rest.

Now I am going to spend some time with sweet Jesus, so I can have some sweet rest.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. – Matthew 11:28-30

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