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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

I don’t want to be audacious

Tonight I do not feel like telling you about my day. Partly because it was a typical Friday. I fought fear and anxiety. Partly because I am a little upset at God right now. It is entirely irrational. This Celebration of Discipline book, coupled with the series on spiritual gifting at my church, is not setting well with my comfort zone spirituality.

I am a fairly well-informed Christian, so I am not necessarily learning loads of new information from the book. I am just being reminded of a few things I should be doing but I am not. It is making me angry I have to do these things if I want to step into all God has for me. My anger is irrational and unjustifiable.

I am one of 7,232,157,333 people on this earth. I claim to serve a God, who made each one of us especially unique yet all in His image. I claim to believe my God designed every single natural resource in the world and designed humans to be creative and design things from them. I claim to serve a God who created DNA, whose strength is minute details. I claim to serve a God so big the universe cannot contain Him.

Yet I have the audacity to be angry and upset that I have to make sacrifices to serve Him. Little sacrifices that just annoy me. I have the audacity to be upset my God requires I honor Him above all else instead of living in complete awe of the wonderful privilege I have in being able to have a personal relationship with the God. I have the audacity to be peeved He requires sacrifice in my journey with Him. I have the audacity I must take up a cross to follow Him. I have the audacity to be upset that I have the privilege of laying down my life in worship for the Greatest Thing that ever was and ever will be. I have the audacity to be upset I have to give up my life to be a part of a grand scheme to change the world forever for His honor. I have the audacity to be upset He wants my undivided attention.

“Oh, Father, take away my audacity! I need to lay this at Your feet. I want to serve You completely. Some days I just do not like the way that looks. Some day I want to be sold out and think of You before I think of me. Take away my audacity and help me hit my knees instead!”

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. – Proverbs 18:12

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. – James 1:5


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