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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

I can feel? Really??

I had so much fun today. An absolute blast. I played dictionary and chess with the most intelligent, lovable and fun eight-year-old I have ever known. One of the greatest blessings of my current life style is babysitting. God has been using it to open my heart to love I have never experienced.

I cannot count or remember all the times I have had breakthroughs in my life regarding my emotions and sense of feeling. “I can feel!” I would rejoice. “I can feel when I put on lotion! It feels awesome!!”

It has only been in the last few months that I have known that love had a physical feeling, as did anger, hurt, fear, anxiety, etc. Before the last couple months, I didn’t know feelings started by your heart and moved out. I didn’t know love was a warm fuzzy feeling. I hadn’t really allowed myself to love.

The last half year of my life I have been employed as a babysitter, not exactly a career I would have wanted to admit to until God has changed my heart. I was on a path to success. Type A personality in a Type A world.

BUT God had bigger plans for me. Plans to love. I love my job. Today I loved just having fun. I could feel the merriment on my face and my heart danced with happiness, as I mischievously invented a meaning for pansophism. “The belief that pans are a better method of preparing food than crockpots.”

Babysitter? Yes, I am a babysitter. There was a day when I thought I was going to make something of myself by being called “director.” I had a position and I had a plan. But God decided to make me into something else. I suppose He doesn’t call me babysitter, but His child. In a position I once would have scorned myself holding, God has taught me to receive love. I am loved by God and some of His creatures on earth.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

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