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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Honor

I was so tired on my way home from dinner group that I swerved a little bit as I walked, so I am going to keep this short and sweet. Today was a pretty exhausting day. I am pretty afraid of being vulnerable yet. We didn’t laugh a whole lot at dinner group tonight. It wasn’t the laughing sort of night.

One of the questions was about a time pride came before a fall in our lives. I chose to answer that question explicitly. I have noticed it is always hard on my pride to talk about my issues with pride.

Another question was something about honoring people at work. Well, I have no coworkers, so that one is easy for me. Promoting my babies isn’t the world’s hardest job. But I didn’t really figure that counted, so I thought back to when I did have careers and jobs. I was pretty sure I had never honored any of my hundreds of coworkers in the entire time I actually held a job. I was competitive and insecure – not a good recipe for honor. I know I talked a lot about my inward sneer several months ago. Contempt. Constantly having to find ways I am better than other people so I can be good enough.

Sitting here at home thinking about it, I think I have honored some people at work. I can think of at least six of them. The only trouble is I had an agenda for honoring five of them, which sort of defeats the purpose. I cannot say as I really ever promoted myself a lot verbally either. For many years I have been a quiet person in “normal” society. Ever since I switched cultures 11 years ago and figured out I would never learn anything with my mouth open. At CR I have learned that is not true, I learn tons of things with my mouth open.

Anyways, I am quite sure insecurity is a huge enemy of honoring others. I have never had much of it.

And how am I now? Scared of being vulnerable. Wanting to be brave enough to be humble and terrified I will lose my pride if I do so.

Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. – Proverbs 18:12

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. – Proverbs 11:2

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