Monday – 10:00 pm
I woke up excited again this morning. I thought it was exciting to wake up excited. I must be getting excited about my life. I wonder why?! I know I struggled with something today, but I just got back from dinner with an amazing friend. I can only think happy thoughts. Oh, yes! Anxiety.
That kind of anxiety that I cannot ignore as I work. The more I ignore it the more it builds up. If I put on noise to try to drown it, it increases. I used to be able to drown it with noise. I cannot anymore. Now it just gets louder. The kind of anxiety that I can only get away from by getting up and praying. The kind of anxiety that makes me wonder if I worked in an office what would I do when I got this? Go for a walk?
Someone told me today they were reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. “So,” I said eagerly, “What is the cost?” “My whole life.” Sounds like all three of us serve the same God. Nice.
I do not have much to say on days when I am this excited. Though honestly, I was mostly excited this morning and tonight. The 8 hours of work in the middle of the day was filled with a fair amount of anger, anxiety and being overwhelmed. At one point I went for a walk because I could not face it all anymore. It took three times around the block before I could manage to come back in and face it. My day was not boring. It was just not dramatic.
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. – Ephesians 4:26-27
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. – Philippians 4:6
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