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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

His yoke is easy

12:58 AM – Saturday morning

I awoke this morning in the opposite mood than I fell to sleep with last night. I fell to sleep laughing and awoke feeling guilty for it. But by the time I spent some time with God and got to work, I had shaken off the feeling. Waking up in a somewhat iffy mood reminded me that I haven’t had a nightmare in forever. Since the last time you heard about it probably. God is really good. I was getting really tired of dreaming.

Today someone mentioned something to me that was said by someone regarding why we go to church. Why Christians in general go to church, or perhaps more specifically, why their congregants in general go to church.

In true CR fashion, it got me thinking. I wondered why I went to church. Was it to make me happy? When I got saved, I didn’t get saved to get happy. I got saved because I concluded if there was a God, I was going to serve Him. In fact, I concluded as I sat on my blue bean bag in my very own living room with a copy of the Purpose Driven Life very nearby, that whether I went to heaven or hell, I would serve God the rest of my life. I sort of had twisted theology back then, I didn’t know if I believed in Jesus and asked Him into my life, I would go to heaven. It only took me like a week to figure it out though.

So I didn’t initially get saved to get happy. Though it did for the most part fix my issues with being suicidal. It definitely gave me a hope I had never had before.

But three years and about six weeks ago, I sat on the edge of a bed on the 10th floor of a skyrise on Wall Street. I was miserable. I had created my own misery. I knew I needed to get God back to first place in my life again and I had no idea how to do it on my own. To do so, I experienced my greatest fears and gave up everything I had for so long been pursuing. I mourned the death of those idols for years. I no longer mourn but rejoice! (Truly happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.)

Since then, I have started to follow God completely. Even when I yearned to turn back to old ways, I knew I could never do so unless God literally said it was okay for me again. I left NY/NJ, and when I came back, I still had plans for God to give me permission someday. But He kept asking me to serve instead. My heart changed. I don’t want to go back to being an idiot.

But the conversation today really got me thinking. Why do I go to church? My initial answer was because it was the thing to do. Habit. It was where all my connections for service were. How could I serve and be part of a community without showing up for church on Sunday? But when I am in church on Sunday, do I really think about how I am honoring God or am I just there?

My initial answer was spoken verbally to someone. A horrible feeling filled me and I felt as though I just blasphemed. Maybe what I said wasn’t true. I know the number one way to keep myself sober and abstinent is simply to remember how awful it was to be a slave to my habits. A slave to an unrelenting, terrible master. Does that mean I serve God because it makes me happy?

It is so hard for me to actually answer this question. I feel like at this point in my journey, serving God is my only option. Like Peter’s “to whom else should we go?”. But do I stay because it makes me happy? When I try to think of walking away and what that experience would be like, I cannot even fathom it. I have a new Master. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. I don’t want to go back to any of my old ones. My life is so easy now. So very, very easy. My life is entirely out of my control and my service is beyond anything I could ever do on my own. As I serve Him, my life looks less comprehensible to one with the American dream, but His yoke is easy.

Do I serve Him because His yoke makes me happy, or do I serve Him because He is worthy? Do I serve Him because it is the only option that comes with peace and fulfillment and I covet peace, or do I serve Him because He is worthy?

Why do I serve Him? I started following Him completely to the best of my ability, so I could quit being miserable (be happy), but why do I now? Is it really because He is worthy? Would I give everything for Him as He did for me?

God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. – Matthew 5:4

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

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