Today was an interesting day. I am not sure why I would say that except I feel like I was somehow very productive and unproductive at one time. At some point I went to God in prayer and asked Him why other people can get so much done in a day and I can get so little? I felt very frustrated, but He gave me peace. He apparently thinks it is okay for me to be emotionally weaker than other people. It is hard for me, but for an hour or two it was all okay. It was okay Laura wasn’t enough. It was okay she is incredibly weak and He has to work powerfully in her weakness.
Tonight I am struggling with accepting God’s assignment for me. Not because I am unwilling like last week, but because I feel so vastly incompetent. Last week I was stubborn, had an attitude and knew I was throwing a giant temper tantrum. I knew God would love me even if I kept throwing it. It is odd to be so secure in my position as His daughter that I know a giant temper tantrum doesn’t change my position. It does, however, affect the quality of my life! and dishonor God! and hurt the people around me! In other words, yes, I had a very stubborn, rebellious attitude last week.
Yesterday I had courage. Today I prayed for God to encourage me. It seems to me that is God’s role in my life. One of the many. God is a God of encouragement, so I asked Him to encourage me. He gave me peace.
About 15 minutes ago, this weakness and intimidation of His assignment for me has come over me. I will get to work through it this evening and tomorrow. Today He told me His grace was enough for me. When I cried out to Him about my weakness, He reminded me He is strong. I don’t need the energy, time management skills and brains of a super woman. His gift to me is His grace. His grace is all I need.
May His perfect love cast out all my fear!
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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