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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Healing

Today was an amazing day because I love my Saturday class. Certainly not because when I arrived at the train station, the train I was taking had randomly decided not to go where I wanted to go. Certainly not for that reason. Definitely not because when I stepped out of class it was snowing. And I raised a silent prayer, “God, couldn’t you stop it just until I got home?” and I wistfully looked towards the sky. But the wind seemed only to blow harder, the snow came down faster stinging my face, until I wondered if snow was prettier from heaven because from my point of view it did not seem to be part of a remarkable plan.

I came home to a quiet evening with Jesus. I wrote some for my class. I listened to a few messages of Andy Stanley without multitasking. I wrote this, and I yawned because I was tired. I read last night’s post before writing this. That was a brutal night with some real feelings.

I am not trying to make you or I feel better by saying I have hope tonight. I simply believe God will get me through this. I have no idea how. I have no idea how to do what I need to do. I have no idea how to have the conversations with my counselor I need to have. I have no idea how to have the conversations with my CR group I need to have. I have no idea how this is going where it is going. I am not sure I know where this is all going. But God is going to heal me. I think the surgery will be painful, but it will be worth it.

Hurting. Exhausted. Annoyed. Re-Tired. (get it?)

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” – Jeremiah 29:11

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