God is so good. I am still sickish, but I am so incredibly thankful. Now before I seem like a super hyper-spiritual person who everything is always “hunky-dory, hallelujah, praise the Lord” for, let me be real. There was a good portion of today during which I refused to smile. This is not characteristic of me. Even in all my pre-rock bottom horror, I covered my problems with a smile. Who needed to know what really happened? So today the reason I didn’t smile was because I was angry I was still sick. I know shallow, right? It just did not seem fair.
My day got slightly better, but I will say I randomly confided one line to one of the older children I babysit. “______, I need to get excited about my life again.” See, six months ago it was easy to be excited about my life. I had no idea how much work it was going to be. I did not know the emotional toll continuing in recovery was going to take. I had no idea how much energy it was going to take to love those around me. Honestly, people in recovery are my very favorite people on earth, but I had no idea.
Tonight I have an idea. Our second step study kicked off. I am so excited for these women. I am excited I at least know somewhat what to expect. It will be easier this time because of knowing what to expect. Unknown things scare me. Coolest people ever. Yup, I am excited about my life again. I can quit fearing it. Thank you, Jesus. (I suppose I could have quit fearing it before, huh?) I am so excited about my life!
Now I am going to bed to try to kick this cold the rest of the way out of my life.
This is what the LORD says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” – Jeremiah 29:10-14