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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

God has got this!

This morning I woke up after having dreamed pleasantly, but this was not the only exciting thing about my morning. I woke up excited to read over the next lesson in my step study and begin thinking about the questions! I was really surprised myself. This journey is changing me so much, I am becoming excited about the transition even in the midst of the pain it is bringing to the surface.

Then I asked God for a simple change in my schedule because I just wanted the change for the fun of it. Within an hour, I received a text with the requested schedule change. I was feeling pretty special at this point. :)

Then I realized tomorrow I was going to have to face a few of my triggers. One of them being my pastor. I had a good text message conversation with a friend, followed by a good conversation with God and realized a few things I did not know previously.

I have always viewed the pain inflicted on me by certain relationships as a part of my past. I have never looked at it as something that is reoccurring. As long as I have family and other people I love in a culture where they do not teach the gospel message freely, I will consistently experience pain from this source. It is not something I can change or control.

I realized my animosity for pastors may have been rising in the last few weeks due to triggers from my past and this reminder. I cannot take it out on the people who are hurting me, so I have projected it onto others. I have essentially decided all mailmen are bad because some of them I know are bad. The others I have met have all been fine. I was just ignoring the good examples.

I continued my day with various revelations about the inner workings of my life. Enjoying it immensely though it was mostly filled with being productive and was no sabbath.

Then towards evening, I discovered I had a very small financial issue in my life. I really genuinely was much more sorry for the person who was hurt than my checkbook, but the incident did have me asking God, “How will I pay my taxes?” followed with, “How can I trust You with this?” The latter was a truly habitual question from the first 29 years of my life. I started to giggle as I heard myself ask it. I am five days away from my one year anniversary of not having a “real” job, but serving first and using babysitting and other freelance income to pay the bills. Pretty sure God has always had my back.

But even then I continued to have an extremely tiny meltdown. I stared at my computer and started to think about how much I had in my checking and savings. The “what if” started to build. I texted a few friends to ask for prayer. My roommate braked from using her headphones. “I am trying not to freak out,” I told her. My cellphone chimed. I received a text for an extra job next week. It fills in a third of the gap created. Now why was I freaking out again? God has got this!

I am just in awe of the way He has been growing me the last few days. I keep realizing these things about myself that seem to be truly groundbreaking. Now to face my fear and pain tomorrow – with God as my Healer and Comforter!

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all the things that I have said unto you. – Jesus in John 14:26 Jubilee Bible 2000

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of Godd above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Jesus in Matthew 6:31-34 NLT

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